so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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