my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize