my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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