He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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