he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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