We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
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you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
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I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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