Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
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Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
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If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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