Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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