So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
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We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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