so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize