At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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