i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
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I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
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So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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