Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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