Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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