think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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