I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize