i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
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I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
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I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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