So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
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She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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