Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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