Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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