im six kinds of drunk right now
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
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Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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