i just wanna soil my oats bro
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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