every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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