did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize