Texts From Last Night

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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.

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  (250): Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you. (1-250): I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this. http://tfl.nu/x6e9
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  (914): View more from New York

  Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.

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  (914): Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary. http://tfl.nu/8dm9
  Replies (44) Good night (5291) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend

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  (703): Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend http://tfl.nu/gm3r
  Replies (31) Good night (677) Bad night (3666) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Why am I in a dog kennel?

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  It was for your own safety

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  (803): Why am I in a dog kennel? (1-803): It was for your own safety http://tfl.nu/w7ni
  Replies (27) Good night (12866) Bad night (1328) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?

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  (301): I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun? http://tfl.nu/ilq6
  Replies (3) Good night (2710) Bad night (1034) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.

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  (615): You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea. http://tfl.nu/dzpq
  Replies (4) Good night (1064) Bad night (3955) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.

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  (715): I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk. http://tfl.nu/px56
  Replies (7) Good night (2098) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..

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  (302): you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor.. http://tfl.nu/0kdc
  Replies (8) Good night (2377) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
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  (469): View more from Texas

  On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.

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  (469): On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses. http://tfl.nu/77vq
  Replies (1) Good night (2307) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.

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  (734): If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend. http://tfl.nu/pm1j
  Replies (13) Good night (2995) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note

  (1+44): View more from

  Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!

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  (+44): Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note (1+44): Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud! http://tfl.nu/x31j
  Replies (4) Good night (955) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"

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  (412): When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita" http://tfl.nu/mtyx
  Replies (3) Good night (845) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!

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  (918): You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner! http://tfl.nu/v9u1
  Replies (3) Good night (566) Bad night (297) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.

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  (270): Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer. http://tfl.nu/rbji
  Replies (0) Good night (695) Bad night (141)
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  (310): View more from California

  I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.

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  (310): I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me. http://tfl.nu/btwi
  Replies (3) Good night (203) Bad night (293) Order T-Shirt

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