he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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