I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize