then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
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I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
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If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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