I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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