Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
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worst night to have a conscience
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
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Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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