I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
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Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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