About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize