Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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