I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize