First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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