i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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