Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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