Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
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We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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