Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
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herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
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Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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