This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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