You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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