I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
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He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
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Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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