youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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