Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
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I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I party with great urgency now.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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