Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
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