It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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