You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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