i was rollin on her like bob the builder
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize