Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize