All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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